It is officially taper time and I couldn’t be more ready for it. The fact that I haven’t written a Marathon Monday in a few weeks just about sums it up: after several weeks of taking a “dual pronged approach” to creating a life of chaos, ramping up running and my work/social calendar simultaneously – I feel like I’m hitting a breaking point and I’m really, really tired. Tired in a way that doesn’t dissolve with a simple rest day.
I’ve had such a confidence-boosting training block with what I consider to be many consistent, well-executed workouts – there hasn’t been a workout that I feel like I’ve “failed” this whole build and I’ve hit paces that used to scare the shit out of me. I’ve been feeling, proud, determined and capable, but I still managed to slam into what felt like a brick wall yesterday and the airbag that was my ego certainly got a little deflated.
I signed up for the Around the Bay 30km Road race as a last long “training run” since it’s a perfect three weeks out from Boston. Aside from it being a great course to simulate the hills found on the Boston course, it’s touted as the oldest race in North America (celebrating it’s 130th running this year) with a tagline of “Older Than Boston”. It takes place in Steeltown (aka Hamilton “The Hammer”, Ontario) where I went to university. It draws a speedy roster of runners, a hearty crowd of spectators and just enough hills to make you hate running it every single time. And I would know, as I think this is the 7th or 8th time I’ve run it myself. As an added bonus this year, the course was officially announced at 34km to accommodate some construction, with a bonus 1.5km added the day before due to a sinkhole that opened up on a portion of the route (and later, in my soul). 35.5km works out to a perfect last-long-run-before-Boston distance, so I was all about it.
My plan was to set out conservative-ish, aka slower than marathon pace by maybe 5s/km for the first half and if I felt good, speed up to marathon pace or faster in the later part of the race. It was admittedly a weird race to strategize because I knew that I actually shouldn’t go hard for the entirety of it this close to Boston, but it sure was tempting to prove to myself that I could do it and to reassure my ego. There were going to be timing mats at the 30km mark so that those who wanted to get a comparable split to other years could do so before finishing the last 5km, so I thought maybe I would ease up there. Lucky I didn’t put too much thought into my race strategy since I pretty much threw it out the window from the moment the race started.
I set out for the first 6-7km at the pace I had planned ~ averaging about 4:20/km. Good, right? In theory, yes. In realty, and in hindsight, not so much. Off the start, the paces I was running felt harder than they normally do and I think I was running at an effort that I knew I couldn’t sustain – an uncomfortable feeling to sit with. After all, I live in the mountains and this race was at sea level, so it should feel easier and I should be even faster than normal, right!? Instead of easing up, I felt like I needed to prove to myself that I could hang on so I doubled down and actually started to speed up, more in the 4:10-4:15 range. I tucked in to a pace bunny group to shelter a little from the wind and soak up the group’s energy, then broke away and settled in with a group of 4-5 guys through km’s 10-20.
That’s when my race strategy took even more of a shape-shifting turn and I initiated the following inner dialogue:
Well, maybe this is what it takes to run a marathon at this pace.
Maybe I just need to take some risks. Yeah, let’s practice being tough.
Maybe I won’t blow up.
Maybe I’ll prove to myself that I can cling to 4:15’s.
I need to prove to myself that I can cling to 4:15’s.
Oh my fucking god I can’t do this for another 15km. Why am I trying to do this for another 15km!?
And then, when I was at my peak desperation to hang on to 4:15 pace, right on queue: the hills started. I tried for a very brief few minutes to keep pace but my heart rate climbed, climbed and climbed and I couldn’t reel it back in. My lungs burned. My heart rate climbed and stayed close to 180 for km’s ~ 25-29, even when I slowed to 4:30’s, 4:40’s, 4:50’s. It felt so terrible and I couldn’t believe what little return I was getting on my suffering. Can’t a girl get some marathon pace km’s with a heart rate that high? I just wanted to stop and call my family to pick me up, not because I was ashamed of my running, my pace or my time – but because it felt so dang awful and I hadn’t planned to feel that awful today. There’s no way I want to feel this awful at Boston.
It wasn’t all doom and gloom! I felt rough out there but I’m proud of hanging on at a decent clip and not once did I phone it in. My race plan was out the window but I had no intention of simply jogging it in. Just because I didn’t hit a a whole race worth of splits I would l would later fawn over on strava doesn’t mean I was going to do any less than my best. I found a nice middle ground between “this is uncomfortable and I want it to be over immediately” and “I might actually catch on fire if I try to keep holding this pace” and I powered through to the end. The last 5 km of the race were new to me and that was fun to experience. I was shocked at how many runners either completely stopped at the 30km timing mat, or at least paused and then visibly initiated a cooldown for the last 5km of the race. I wondered if that would have been me if I had been able to hang on. I passed a girl that projectile vomited off the side at 33km. She passed me again at 34km and I cheered her on for the puke and rally. I chuckled at a spectator’s sign that said “Race Around the Sinkhole 30km 35km.
I came across the finish line in a time of 2:35 and change, more than 2 minutes faster than my fastest time running the race in university – and that’s with an extra 5km in there. I crossed the 30km mat in 2:11, a personal best by a landslide. I still averaged 4:25/km for the whole 35km and was the 17th female – I’ve never done that kind of pace over a training run that long before. It’s a time I am genuinely proud of and I should be fucking PUMPED, but the truth is: I am shooketh; I got rocked.
Every workout I’ve nailed has been a huge source of affirmation and validation. I’ve even basically told myself “pfft sub 3? how about 2:55!?”. This is the first one where I feel like I’ve truly had to confront how hard that will be and it genuinely scares me. Running at sea level, in perfect conditions, in a supported race atmosphere, fueling dialed. – it felt like there were no “yeah, but’s” to hide behind and I had to face how uncomfortable the paces truly felt – yesterday. I’m still hopeful they won’t feel that bad on race day, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t shaking in my boots.
And so – we taper! And we take what we can learn, and adjust what we can control. I learned that:
1. I need to be true to my perceived effort if I don’t want to have a day like yesterday at Boston – whatever that time ends up being. I’m grateful to have learned that lesson during a “training race” and hope to shit that I can exercise some self control. By the way, I hate when people call races training races and insinuate that they weren’t trying their hardest. I use “training race” because while it wasn’t the end goal of my training block, other than not taper, I treated this like a real race and gave it my best. **rant over**
2. I really need to focus on rest and recovery over the next few weeks. More routine, calm and rest. Less travel, boozing and burning the candle at both ends. Time to emerge from the sinkhole!
3. While I had a meltdown yesterday and went on a tirade to anyone that would listen that I can’t run sub 3, don’t want to even try at Boston and basically just, fuck it all; that’s not actually how I feel. I know that I can’t let literally one bad workout topple the whole house of cards in my training block. My last two long run workouts I did at elevation, I held a faster pace for longer and it felt easier. Sometimes we just have off days – don’t let the recency effect overcome you.
4. People give you very weird looks if you race in a crop top and shorts in -7 degrees #Albertan
5. My body is strong and my legs had more in them – they are ready for Boston if I just let them rest
Anyways, this definitely took me more than 45 minutes.
Last three weeks of Training (summarized):
March 18 – 24 (90km, 640m elevation, ~7.5 hrs)
- Long Run: Around the Bay 35km, ~4:25/km pace
- Workout: 2miles @ HMP, 1 mile @ 10km, 1.5miles @ HMP, 1km @ 10km pace. 3min jog between each
March 11 – 17 (91km, 990m elevation, 8 hrs)
- Long Run: warmup/cooldown + 27km alternating 1km @ 4:15-4:20, 500m @ 4:05-4:10. No rest 🙂
- Workout: 5 x 2min then 12 x 400m
March 4 – 10 (100km, 650m elevation, 8.5hrs)
- Long Run: 2 x 10km @ 4:10/km, 1km easy. warm up/cooldown to 31km
- Workout: 12 x 800m @ ~HMP-10km pace, 2min recovery
This one time I went running 